Travel II.

(Slow your breath down
Just take it slow
Find your heart now, oh
You can trust and love again
Slow your breath down, just take it slow
Find your smile now, oh
You can trust and love again..... Future of Forestry)

{This is the second in a series of three about the process of moving and what God is teaching me through it...  Here is a link to the first one so you can get caught up on whats going on. Travel I.  Enjoy.}

Moving is quite the process
You have to basically pack up your whole life into two cars and move 12 hours away from the place you have known most of your life.  It was for me a very exciting and scary process as you tell all your friends "See you at Christmas time" and walk out the door of your house on your to a new life in a wholly different state.  Then the process of the move truly begins as you drive for the next two days (mind you I only moved 12 hours away).  You get the chance to spend time with your sister and your mother, at least I did, and you get to enjoy a night at a hotel as you enjoy the journey to your new home.  Its all very exciting and fun.

But there is something the never tell you about moving
Hollywood never tells you this.  Your parents never told you this, even if they have moved a bunch of times in their lives.  And even if your family or friends did tell you this you would be to excited thing about the move to even listen to what they are saying to you because "I Know!".  So what is this thing they never tell you?  What is the secret that I missed because I was to sure the I knew?

Moving doesn't end when you move in
 Moving is a process that takes a long time after you are moved into your new house.  Sure you have moved from one location to another but you have not moved at all.  Your mind is still stuck at your own home.  You still think about that girl you like back in your old home state.  You still wonder if she likes you.  You still think about your friends back home and your old church.  Your mind still tells you in some way that this is 'just a vacation' and that your friends will suddenly show up at your door asking you if "you want to go see a movie?"

But slowly your mind realizes this isn't a vacation
 And this is when moving gets hard.  Because tomorrow your friends, from back home, aren't asking you to hang out, if fact there's a chance they aren't even thinking about you at all.  That girl you like has moved on, and why wouldn't she?  You life remember?  And sure people miss you but missing someone doesn't make them be where you are. And it sucks!  You start to miss a lot of stuff.  You start to wonder if you really followed God or if you just did what you wanted.  You start to wonder why in the hell you moved.  And sometimes you my think you want to go "home".

And then it gets worse than that
Because you realize that "home" is no longer home.  Sure the people have the same names and all.  And they are still your friends but they have changed and so have you.  As the months pass you have become something new and different and they have lived their life without you.  And this makes you even more sad because the home you always knew is now different. And is no longer the home you always knew and the people have found out how to live their lives without you.

But then God speaks up
He whispers into your ear that tomorrow your friends from home may not come but tomorrow he will still be lord and he will still love you.  He whispers to you that you are loved at that home is not a place here on earth anyways so find your home in me.  And then he does something amazing!  He sends you friends.  People you can't believe you ever lived without, and sure it my be a bunch of women from your school class, or people from your work who you never hang out with outside work, or it my be people who are no where near your age but he will send you friends. 

Then he speaks to you again and says something very simple
Something we often forget when we are going through tough times.  He says it again to remind you.
He says "I LOVE YOU"
And then you know it is all worth is and that if you would just slow down and enjoy the ride it will all make sense when the time is right.


(If you leave I'll still be close to you
When all your fears rain down
I'll take you back a thousand times again
I'll take you as my own.... Future of Forestry)

Daylight....

(Hold on,
Daylight is coming
To break the dawn.
Daylight is coming...... Remedy Drive)


Its always seemed to me
that the easiest thing for me to do is to forget the daylight when the night is upon me. Its like when I am in a place of darkness mentally I just can't remember what the daylight looks like.  When I see only darkness in my life I forget about looking for daylight, hoping for the sunlight, dreaming about those warm summer days and live only in the winter my darkness has taken me too.  Some where deep down I think in those times of darkness I know that daylight is coming back but when you can't see something believing it is there gets really hard.


I grew up in the great state of Minnesota
Home of some of the worst, coldest, longest winters I know of.  When people from Minnesota talk about "Really Cold" their normally talking about something, at least, a few degrees below zero.  Minnesota winters commonly start in early December, or earlier, and normally go till the end of March or Start of April.  And January is by far the worst.  You are normally looking at a sun that sets around 5pm and temperatures below freezing for most of the month.  As you live through the month of January in Minnesota it is sometime hard to remember what summer feels like.  You forget that Sunlight last for more than 8 hours at some point in the year.  You forget how to drive on dry roads.  You forget what shorts are.  You forget what being warm is like (okay maybe that's just me).

This is how I feel when I forget about God
When I allow my darkness to become the only thing I can remember I become bogged down in my own darkness and weakness.  When I look to myself for help I become cold as winter and dark as night.  Often these times come when I allow myself to be so busy I forget that life isn't about me.  Just how the only way to make it through a Minnesota winter is to have great friends and family who know how to take situations that suck and turn them in to something awesome I must learn how to lean on God as I work through my winters of hard ache and allow him to remind me that summer is coming and daylight has already come in his Son.    

He Gave Me Grace....

This isn't it.  This isn't my value.
What people say and think about me doesn't really matter.
Its all about what God thinks of me..... Right?
I mean if God loves me, cares for me, sees me as valuable enough that he would send his son to die on the cross for me then why do I spend so much time trying to make people think I am something cool or special?


If only it were that easy.  
If only knowing that God is all that matters made you live that way.
Wouldn't life be some much easier if that's the way it was?
I mean I wake up every day and I know God loves me. But how often to I Live that way?
I have been "saved" for over 22 years now and yet I still wake up every morning and plan my day.
I wake up and get myself ready for my day.
I wake up every day around 7am and it is a good day if I think about God more then twice through my ten hour work day that follows.

What a sad state of affairs
When I am unable to see that the load and Savoir of the Universe loves me.
When I can't look past what is happening around me to see a Savoir who tells me I am worth every thing.
When I look to people to tell me who I am and what I am worth.
When I find my value in how well I can do stuff.
When I forget my God, Lord, King, and Savoir Jesus Christ.

All I can do is ask for God to teach me how to find value in him
The greats thing about life with God is he doesn't ask you to be perfect.
He asks you to fall in love with him.
He asks you to learn from him and
He gives you grace.

Travel I

{And if you travel here
You will feel it all
The brightest and the darkest
And if you travel here
Listen to your heart
And take with you what lasts forever.
Future Of Forestry}

Today I am sitting on the couch, watching the Olympics, in my brothers house, which I now call home, in Redford Michigan.  Never would I have thought that I would end up living with my brother, again, and for sure I never would have thought it would be in Michigan just outside Detroit.  So far (in a little less then a month) things have gone fairly well.  I have a job, a Church, a House, and soon a School.  I know where Lifetime, Wal-Mart, Target, and a few other places are.  So all and all things are going well.  But this post would be so boring if I just told you about the good. Right?

So far since I moved to Michigan I have learned many things about walking with God and being "all in" with a Savior I have always liked to had rarely truly lived like I loved him.  Even now I will not kid around and say that I am living like I am "all in" with God all the time or that I even feel "all in" all the time.  But I know for sure that one thing I have learned about life with my Beautiful Savoir Jesus Christ is that He doesn't ask for us to be somewhat committed to him, He asks for full commitment.

However having said all that the one thing I have figured out about following God is that taking the step in faith is not really the hardest part like people have told me all my life.  I mean yeah taking a leap of faith and trusting that God will catch you on the way down is hard, really hard!  But the hardest part comes after you've taken step one, or maybe even step two, three, four and five.  The hardest part of following God is NOT going back.  The hardest part happens in that moment when everything goes wrong and you want nothing more then to run back to a place of comfort.  The hardest thing of following God is following him when you don't want to, when you want to run away, when you want to say "I'm not a Jesus Follower".

This moment happened for me a few weeks ago now. It was a Monday around 6:30. After a 9+ hour work day.  I was trying to stop at the bank only to find out that banks in Michigan (at least TCF) close at 6.  And as I pulled out of the parking lot looking to get back on the highway I went under a bridge and drove right through I red light I never saw and got into an accident.  And let me tell you as I stood there on the side of the road, waiting for the police, I wanted nothing more then to hop back in my car and run away, back to a place of comfort.  But I know I heard God's voice that night telling me to stick it out and follow him.  

I am so grateful that I did stick it out because now I am on my way to starting Grad School in the major I have wanted for three years and I am feeling more and more at home.  I am getting the chance to play music with great musicians and getting to grow closer to my Beautiful Savior Jesus.   I pray that in whatever comes my way I am able to show God's Glory and Grace to the world around me.


{I hope to write at least two more updates on the move and what God is teaching me.  I might write more I might write less}  

Fast Food, Target, and poor directions….

It was a cold winter day in Minnesota
And I had a nasty cold mind you, that I walked into a Target thinking I would grab some food at the Pizza Hut at this Target.  So I walked up to the person at the counter and was going to buy the food I wanted so she asked “what kind of Pizza do you have?” and I told here, than she asked “Is that all?” and I said “I want a drink, just give me whatever size is normally in the value meal”.  At this point she looked at me, clearly not understanding what I was asking for and started telling me what size of drinks they had, which seems odd sense normally all value meals have the same, normal, sized drink.

Now I often think that there are very few things in life more annoying
Than talking to an employee at a store or restaurant that doesn’t really know what the store they are working at has and so they end up, simply, making getting what you want harder because they don’t know what they are doing and they can’t help you because they don’t know where stuff is in the store.  So you end up walking around aimlessly hoping you will either find what you want or find someone who knows what they are talking about or worse, I think anyways, standing around for 15-20 minutes while they call a Manager. 

I have now got to a place in my life where I avoid workers in stores
Even when I don’t know where something is, because I so fear finding that employee who has no idea what is going on and has clearly spent to much time on break and not enough time finding out where stuff is in the store.  Target is by far the worst too because the employees, or should I say Team Members, are told to go up to people and ask “Can I help you find something?” (or something like that) making it very likely that if you are to find me in a Target you will find me walking fast down one of the back aisles trying to avoid the people wearing red shirts and Khaki pants.  And this is what makes fast food so painful for me, other that the fatting food, is that fact that you can't get away. Its like when you go to a fast food place at some point you have to order food from someone and there is a chance they will not have any idea what you are talking about, I can’t stand that (to bad this hasn't made me stop eating fast-food).

It was another day in Minnesota, most likely cold, 
when I realized another one of my greatest fears. 
A fear that still hunts me and I still avoid just like those workers at Target.  The fear is a simple one. It is a fear that I believe many of us have a problem with but are to afraid to do anything about it.  What this fear is is the fear that I will be one of those people that don’t know what they are talking about, that I will be more of a hindrance than a help and I will force people to avoid me.  But the thing here that I am so afraid of not knowing anything about is not the layout of a Target store, or the menu at Wendy’s but the fear that I will be faced with a question about my relationship with Jesus Christ that I can not give an answer too. 
I must be honest now and say that when I started writing this post I was planning on going into a long talk about how today’s Christians are uneducated about the Bible and unwilling to change and are often as annoying as those employees that don’t know where stuff is, but as I started writing I came to see that I, Adam Nash, am just as guilty of being uneducated, unwise, and annoying as any other Christian person today.  And it is in this time that I have come to understand, or be reminded of, is that God doesn’t ask for us to know everything.  He doesn’t ask us to never be lost, or confused, or doubt, or never say “I just don’t know”, he simply asks us to keep growing and learning and he will be there to help us out when we get lost and confused and don’t know what to say.  And I think this is something God is working on me right now and I can only say at this moment that I feel like he is growing me both in my knowledge of him and my dependence on him.  Some day I will be with my Lord Jesus Christ in Heaven and I will be able to learn about God for eternity, but for now I will simply allow God to grow me and learn how to depend on him when the fear of not knowing shows its ugly face and trust that God will have prepared me for this moment even though I feel unprepared. 

(Originally posted on 1/19/11 on my old blog.  Thought it was cool enough to move here.  Even if it is 80 and sunny out today in Minnesota, not cold and snowy.)

Lets talk about Entitlement

This may turn into a rant
Because really of all the things that bug me these days about Americans, and more importantly Christians in America is the sense of entitlement.  I mean just look around.  You'll see so many people talking in the form of entitlement.  "I graduated from college I should have a better paying job."  "I work hard, why do I only get paid x.xx an hour?" "I've been at this Church since I was a kid, worship service should be the way I want it." and on and on it goes.  We sit there and talk like anything we get, or want, we are entitled to.  Down to even feeling that we are entitled to having a job.

How would any of us ever stay alive 
In the days when we had to work the land to stay alive.  When you were entitled to nothing. When weather could change your whole year, decade, or even life. But today we sit around and act like air conditioning, a TV, a car, and a job are all things that we should have.  We act like the great economy in America is something everyone has, always, had.

Something seems wrong
When Christian people are leading the way when it comes to this view of entitlement. We talk how things "should be" or how "they were" like that is the way it should be.  The thing to me that's so baffling is the fact the we as Christian people live are lives as Christians under something called grace which is so far from entitlement that I don't understand how we all have ended up being so entitled.

So here we have grace and entitlement
Two differing ideas. On the one side we have entitlement which says I deserve this because I am American, a person, a College grad, etc.  Grace on the other hand is something given to us from God that we don't deserve and can't earn.  Grace is something the we aren't entitled to.  So maybe Christians who live in America we should spent less time talking about what we deserve and spend more time talking about what we don't deserve.... Grace. 

(Once again let me know what you think.  I have more to say about this but am out of time tonight. Thanks guys!)

Waterfalls....

Today one of the hot button words 
 In the Christian world is “Relevant”.  I myself am guilty of using, and over using, the word.  Almost making the word pointless.  It seems to me at times that the word relevant has become one of the less relevant things that the Christian Church does, or talks about, today.  I mean sure I understand that all we are trying to do is find a way to impact the world around us, and yes if we are impacting the world than we are, by default, “relevant” to the world because they are being impacted by us, and when one is affected by something it must become relevant to him and as such we as the church, in my opinion, by even seeking relevance have fallen into a grave problem[a]. The problem lies in the fact that we, as God’s people, are seeking to make God relevant and I would hate to say it but GOD DOESN’T NEED OUR HELP TO BE RELEVANT.

God in fact is relevant
Because he is transcendent….. Before I finish that thought lets look at two definitions. 
Relevant: having significant and demonstrable bearing on the matter at hand.  
Transcendent: universally applicable or significant……
God is Transcendent and is therefore applicable in any situations and because of this he is above relevant.  So by us even talking about relevance we are saying that, in a non overt way, God has lost some of his relevance. 
Now here is where we must “toe the line”.  Because on one side. Yes we as the church want to be with, or a head, of the times.  We should be on the cutting edge of every trend that happens here in America, and the outside America.  Not because we seek to be relevant but because we are just as capable of doing great things as is the non-christian world, maybe even more capable. We should be the best at everything we do.  we should have the best Musicians, the best Artists, the best Writers.  Christian people should be involved and leading the way in so many more fields than we are now. The reason I believe this to be true is that fact that we are all humans created in God’s image but we as Christians have Jesus to be our inspiration, and this alone should lead us to making top quality stuff.
However on the other side of things we must not “jump over the line” because doing our best to be on the cutting edge does not mean that we should do whatever it takes to get there.  Christian people should be able to find a way to make as good of products as non-Christian people and make it so they don’t have to step on people on there way to the top. This I believe is something that would make our example of Christ even stronger because than people would take notice of us living up right lives and still being the best at what we do. 

Now Back to Relevance.
 I think the thing about God that is so powerful is the fact that he is always relevant and therefore us acting like we need to work to become relevant is a very painful miss step on the part of the church, and myself. 
Just a few days ago I was walking around at a park by the Mississippi River, and this park is right by a waterfall, that is also a power plant.  And I got to thinking “How is God like a waterfall” (weird thought right?) And I think that is kind of the thought that I am writing about here. Because God is like a waterfall, I think, in a lot of ways. 
1. He never stops.  (I mean have you ever thought about the fact that waterfalls are always going, its pretty crazy I think.)
2. He is not something to mess with. (Think about getting a boat to close to a waterfall…. it ends badly!)
3. He affects everyone that crosses his path, which in God’s case is everyone.  (Think about the fact that even if you can get passed a waterfall on a river it slows you down because you have to use the Dam.)

Now I know
This seems like a bit of a stretch to talk about God as a waterfall but the point that I’m trying to get at is that just being in the area of a waterfall effects you, there is no way to avoid the power of the waterfall.  And I guess I think God is like that.  There really is no way to avoid him and as such he is Relevant because he is Transcendent.  I guess my idea is just that we need to spend less time being relevant and more time pointing to the Transcendent. Does this seem like splitting hairs?  Because if it does then I guess, I think, we have a lot of hair to start splitting!

So how does pointing toward Transcendent
Look different than trying to be relevant?   Well for starters Transcendent doesn't look toward programs to show people Christs.  Instead a person, or Church, who points toward the Transcendent lives a life that says 'My life is made better because I know the The Way, The Truth, and The Light'.  Now think about how that view point differs from the VBS which spends more time hyping people up than it does talking about the Bible, the B in VBS.  Or think about modern worship songs which are a roll-coaster of emotion trying their best to create a newer, bigger, "high". [b]

Next Transcendent Focused lives love
Unconditionally. Whereas a Relevant focused life (or of course Church) on what a person can do to make you more Relevant.  A Relevant seeking Church is happy to have people who aren't hip come to Church on Sunday but being involved in the worship band or youth leadership or pastoral-ship is just not gonna happen.  Relevant places value on what a person can do for you, or the Church, Transcendent places value on you as a person because you being you is enough.

Finally God is Transcendent
Why would we want to focus on anything else?  Why would we try so hard to be Relevant when we have a connection to the Transcendent? The waterfall will always be Relevant because it is always Transcendent.  

[a][I have in the past talked about relevance and fallen into this same problem of seeking to make the church relevant and in doing so admit it, falsely, that God is not relevant no matter what time or place or situation.  I think looking back that relevant was the wrong word.  I believe now that what I was think about was more than relevance and was in fact being “up to date” or “with the times”.  Because the church has in fact fallen behind the culture of today in many areas and I believe that is a problem, but Relevance has never been the problem.]

[b][I am not saying the today's VBS' or worship music is wrong or sinful.  I am simply trying to make the point that if we are looking toward the Transcendent we will spend less time focused on emotional driven programs and more time focused on living a life of love.]

The Big Bang Theory.... and what it tells me about love

The Big Bang Theory, no not the scientific hypothesis but rather, the TV show is the most popular comedy in America, I'm sure you've watched it.  A comedy is not normally the kind of show that tells you anything about love.  But follow me out on this......

So the three main characters in this show are the ever annoying, overly smart, completely lacking people skills Sheldon Copper.   The leader of the lost boys like, social want a be, lover want to be Leonard Hofstadter.  And the beautiful, social-light Penny.  So what do these three Characters tell me about love?  really its more of a reminder than it is a new thought. 

See the greatest thing about the main characters in The Big Bang Theory is the way that the always love each other, and more importantly the always love Sheldon.  Even though Sheldon clear makes everyone mad, Penny most of all, they keep on hang out with him, loving him, and hoping he'll learn how to be less of a jerk and more loving.  So to me The Big Bang Theory reminds me that Love is unconditional.  Love loves even when we are mad.  Love is loving even when the people around as aren't the same as us.  Finally love is love all the time and it never gives up.  

Stockholm Syndrome

Stockholm Syndrome, I'm sure you've heard of it(?), is a phenomenon that happens to some people when they are held in captivity and results in the captured party feeling empathy, and even affection, toward the person who held them.  Now very little is known about Stockholm Syndrome, the name isn't even agreed on, but the idea seems true and seems so prevalent in day to day life.  I think the idea of Stockholm Syndrome looks, and acts, much like an addiction.  Think about the way that an addiction (at least to something destructive) is something that you know is bad for you but yet you keep going back to it.  You keep being pulled back by whatever it is that is hurting you (drugs, alcohol, smoking, pornography, etc).

I believe that Stockholm Syndrome can be used as a metaphor for the Christian church and America.  Now I know what you're thinking (or I think I know what you're thinking).  You're sitting there saying "What America is great to me?  They give me freedom of Religion and freedom to do what I want!" And she from when we stand this seems true.  But we in America have fallen in love with a place that holds us captive.  I mean sure you're allowed to be a Christian but don't even think about praying or talking about God at school.  Sure you can talk about God but don't you dare tell me that what you're talking about is the only way.  Are sure as hell don't tell me that there is only one way to heaven or that my life is sinful.  Hmmm seems like freedom is missing something.  Seems like we are held captive by the idea of freedom?

(Hey guys please tell me what you think and let me know if you think I should keep going with this idea or not.... thanks guys) 

A Few Questions.....?

Random questions for the day since I haven't been able to think of anything to write for almost two weeks....

Do you feel comfortable in your life?
Do you consider yourself rich?
Or are you a "poor" college student, high school student.... a "poor" underpaid worker? 
Do you ever consider yourself lukewarm?  Or do you feel like you keep your relationship with Christ on the up and up?
Are Love and Grace the first things that come to peoples mind when they think of the way you live your life?  Or do you think that something else defines the way people view you?
Do you truly believe words like Romans 6:8?.............................................
If today God asked you to give it all, your life, loved ones, friends, Girlfriend (or Boyfriend), house, and asked you to go live on the street with nothing but the clothes on your back and a bridge to keep you from the rain would you go? What if he then said "I am all you need", would that matter?  Would you care?  Would the comfort you now find yourself in keep you from going?

In no way do I want it to seem like I would answer any of these questions in the way I believe we should.  I am simply asking the questions that are being asked of me.  I am simply a work in progress and these questions are questions I am seeking to be able to answer in the way God wants me too.   I really would love it if you would just give me a quick thought on the questions I asked.  I know, in all honesty, that few of you will be brave enough to post a comment because you don't have the answer.  But even if you have nothing to say I ask that you think about the fact that today God asks not a little of our time but rather asks for our life.  He doesn't ask for us to live for him but rather he calls us to die with him.   I know i find this to be single handedly the hardest part of following God.  But please think about it.
 



 Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we will also live with him. (Romans 6:8)

And your life doesnt change by the man.... continued.

Its been about a week since I wrote about the fact that I have lost the view point of being an America.  And at the time I wrote the first post I was, truly, totally lost as to why it mattered to be or why it should matter to anyone.  Or in what way, if any, that view point should get me to change the way I live.  So I spent sometime thinking about it, talking about it, praying about it.... and so far there are a few things I see.  So I will share them with you.

At my work there is this guy.  He is a Christian, I have no doubt about that, and he loves politics and love America.  But at every turn I hear him talk about how the economy is going to crash or how America will soon be under martial law.  And this I think is one of the things that moves me so deeply to feel the way I do.   Simply put it is that fact that, as followers of Jesus, our well being and hope is not in America, or any other nation for that matter, it is in our Lord and Savior Jesus. This seems so important to me. Because knowing that no matter what happens to America my life is not about what is going on around me but rather about my ability to grow closer to God and shine his light.

I have friends of mine, all great Christian people, who supported the way in Iraq(1), well they, seemingly, voted on a president based largely on the fact that he was "pro-life".(2) Well to me one of the greatest things that comes from this view point of not being an America (as I touched in the first post) is the fact that you do not view politics as the answer and hopefully this gets you, and me, working harder to change the people and world around us rather than waiting for someone else to do it for us.

My Mother, who I love very much(3), who believes, in someway, in America as a Christian nation. And to me this is something I wish I felt okay about believing but as I look at China and see that a nation that no one would consider being a Christian nation I start to believe that maybe seeing America as a Christian nation has made us complacent?  Because if China is the place where the Church is growing the fastest and its not a Christian nation than maybe if we stopped view America as a Christian nation we would see growth a little more like China.

Let me finish by saying that in no way to I expect you to join me at this view point.... if this is a place where God wants you to be he will get you there.... but what I do want for all of the Church, me most of all, is to be asking questions about the status quo in order to keep growing and changing.  So this is where I am and I pray that you are finding more out about God and yourself everyday.  Thanks for reading guys.


{(1.) Let me just say that I support the reason behind the war.... however I can not find a way to justify the death of people for a war.  Again I find myself at a place where I can honestly say I don't know how this works..... guess I will have to write about that when I get a better idea.}

{(2) It has for a long time seemed to me that no matter what political party, of the two big ones, don't know much about the other ones, you vote for that that party finds a way to kill people.  If you vote Republican they go to war and kill people in other countries as well as watch Americas die.  If you vote Democrat then they allow abortion which kills many unborn babies.....  Seems to me like the both have their problems.}

{(3) Feel free to comment, or talk to me about this mom, since I have put you here on my blog.

Church....?

I honestly wonder if this is what the church needs?   Do we really need a new, nicer, building?   Do we really need another church building at all? 

And your life doesn't change by the man that's elected.....

[This is a post that I have been think about writing for quite awhile.  I have struggled for a long while about how to best write this post.  About how to go about taking my thoughts and putting them down on paper.  I ask you to before you read this that you understand this is still a work in progress, as I am and as we all are, and that you do not take what I write as fact but rather fight though what I say and find out what you think about this and talk to me about this because it is something I fight with daily... so here goes.]

This last week I had the great joy of going to watch a hockey game, for free I might add, it was tons of fun, as I knew it would be.  But as they always do at the start of any sporting event there was the National Anthems, I say anthems because there was a team from Canada in the game, and as the American National Anthem was being played I started to tear up.  But not for the reason most people in America do.  Not because I loved the anthem and felt some great patriotism.  Not because the guy's voice was so amazing, and it really was amazing. I started to tear about because I could think only of miss guided worship, commitment, and passion........................

I love America, I really do.  I count my blessings everyday that I live here.  That in one hour of work I make nine days worth of money in many countries. I count my blessings that I live in a county where air conditioning and heat are viewed not as a luxury but rather a normal part of everyones house. I'm glad I live in a country were over 90% of people, including me, have a job.  I truly love America.  But I am not an American.  In case you missed that I will write it again.... I am not an American.   This is not my home. 

So where does this leave me?  Standing, crying, at a national anthem I will never call my own?  And here is where my greatest struggle has come in writing this.  Its the fact that I love America but can never call myself an American.... I belong to God's kingdom first and foremost.  No I am not an "American Christian" I am a Christian who happens to live in America. 

The line that is the title to this blog is by the band The Avett Brothers and I feel as though this is something all of us Christians in America need to hear.  We need to know, and live, in the reality that the next president will not change our lives.  We need to live in a way that changes the world ourselves.... we need to stop being Americans, Republicans, Democrats, Tea Partyers, and start being followers of Christ.  Stop view America as something that it is not.  It is not now, nor was it ever, a "Christian Nation".  There is no such thing!  Not here on earth until Jesus comes back to earth and sets up his kingdom.  So stop living your life like this is a Christian nation and start living your life like you are an outsider who is longing to be home. 

I think at this time of the apostle Paul who boasted about being a Hebrew, and Israelite, and a Descendant of Abraham, and yet later said "For me to live is Christ, and to die is gain."  Paul, to me, seemed to live ever with his body and mind in the present well never losing site of the future in heaven.  He never lost site of his real home. I pray we can all learn to do the same.  I pray we can all live for Christ in a world that is violently against us.  I pray we.... No!  I pray I can learn to live as a foreigner in a land that will never be mine.  And I pray I can ever live with my eyes on home.

....................... I think of the thousands upon thousands of men and women who have died for and against America. I think of the many, many Christian men (and women) who served in war, who killed for a Country that is not their own.  I think of the way many Christians support war.  I think of my friends when asked the Question "When should violent action, like war, be used" and they answer, "when there is no other option".  I wonder is that what Jesus would have said?  I wonder if Jesus who said “Give back to Caesar what is Caesar’s and to God what is God’s.” would have today considered himself an American?   And finally I wondered where to go next?  How to go about living a life as someone who is not an American?






 

Stepping out or staying put?

I always told myself that when this moment came and God presented me with a way to step out of the boat in faith that I wouldn't even need to think twice. I always thought that when "that moment came" that I would have a lighting bolt strike the ground in front of me and spell out the words "Go, do as I say!" Yeah I know that sounds a little over the top, and I really never believed that, but I always thought that when the time came for God to call me, possible, to something new it wouldn't be so hard. That staying put wouldn't seem so attractive. That what God wanted to send me to would be a place where, even if I wasn't comfortable, I would be doing something I LOVE so much it wouldn't even matter.

And now I stand on the edge of a cliff and it all seems so much more cloudy. It seems like I sit up at night yelling out for God to just show me what he wants for me and the best he does is make it so no one says I am crazy for even thinking about this. Or simply having me read Bible passage that just talk about faith, and living for God.

This is when something hit me. Something that proved my former, lighting from the sky, viewpoint to be wrong. This simple revelation is the fact that if God was to send a lighting bolt from the sky to tell me what to do then what would be the point of faith? If I knew before I made a choice then I would never have to believe in God. Faith in God would be like betting on a house that was running a race by its self!!! You already know its gonna win!!! So what kinda faith, risk, or belief is that???

Sure this does Nothing to help me figure out what the next step is in my life but it does tell me to have faith because God may not be the only house in the race but I know for sure that he is gonna be the winning house in the end so I will do my best to listen to the "still small voice" and follow it whenever it leads.

(Prayers and Words of advice are very welcomed!)

Dreaming....

I am someone who is very much so a dreamer, I love passing my time dreaming about whatever my mind can think of. I often find myself sitting around listening to music, or watching sports, or walking around the mall dreaming about anything and everything. Now one of the things I have come to notice about my dreaming is that in my dreams I am often seeking the attention of people, you know dreaming of being an amazing basketball play that everyone loves (yeah that ship already sailed long ago Adam). And in this I find myself dreaming about what the world thinks of me and dreaming about how cool it would be to be something more than I am, I sure never planned on driving cars 40 hours a week and living at home when I was 26, but lately something has in impressed in to my mind, something I have known since I was a little lad but have often (and still often do) forgot. God lately has impressed on my mind that if nearness to him is my primary goal and mission in life then I am right where I should be. Now I don’t want to over romanticize this thought and say that if “Your seeking God first he will give you everything you ever wanted!” because thats not what he promised us, no he promised us everything we need.

Now I think one of the biggest reasons that this learning on God and allowing him to be my everything is so hard for me to deal with is simple….. God’s plan just isn’t lining up with mine!!! And its annoying! Its like come on God, I’m 26, not married, not dating, living at home, working a job I hate, struggling to find what your vision is for my life!!! And as all this goes on, as I yell and shout at God about how his plan just isn’t working for me, he just keeps saying “If you are seeking to be near me above everything else you are right where I want you”. I can honestly say that God saying that to me is one of the hardest things to deal with. I am the kinda person who wants to be in control…. I have a hard time letting other people drive sometimes because I want control and God is saying “Sit over there in the passage seat and let me drive.” Guess its time to move over and let him do just that! Here’s to giving up my dream to search for his vision.

Inspiration.....

nspiration is far and way the hardest thing for me to fake. I can fake just about everything else without even thinking about it. I can fake love, joy, happiness, friendship…. etc. I will openly admit that I am a great liar, one of the best I know, but at the same time its unlikely I will lie straight to your face because the only person I lie to is myself, and I do it all to well, and it is through this lying to myself that I lie to you because what I believe I project and what I project is what you will learn to believe about me, it my take time but my lies to myself will in time become a lie to you that you will believe.

Now what does this have to do with my inability to fake, or lie about, inspiration…. simple. Inspiration must be real. It must come from deep down below the lies that I tell myself. Inspiration can not come from a lie.

Inspiration, at least for me, must also come from outside of myself. If I close myself off to the world, and more importantly God, I can find no inspiration because I tell myself lies so much more than truth that the truth can’t find its way through to me to inspire me… for this reason I need God in my life and I need people in my life who will shine a light on who I really am and show me the lies that I tell myself.

So basically the whole point of me writing about this is to say a few things to you. First to explain why I haven’t wrote anything in almost two months because I was holed up avoiding the people who inspire me the most. Second to challenge you, and me, to find inspiration outside ourselves, and hopefully in God and Friends. And third to say that if you are reading this you are one of the people who inspires me and I hope you never stop being who you are… because I love you (and that’s not a lie!).

Bleeding wrists....

It seems to me that we are all bleeding, we are all in the process of committing suicide. We are all bleeding from our wrists wondering “Why in the hell God ever created me”, asking ourselves all the while if there is any way out? And as we ourselves are bleeding God looks down and says “Peace be still, I am with you”, and as he says these words he takes his, mighty, hands and places them on our bleeding wrist and stops the bleeding…. Then a few days, weeks, or hours pass and we forget all about him and we grab the same knife as before and cut our wrist again. Then God says once again “peace” and stops our bleeding….. the cycle repeats it self over and over again. Almost like it is impossible for us to do anything other the cut our wrists in hope of relieving the pain. No matter who you are, no matter how much you love Jesus, no matter how long you have gone to Church, no matter how often you go to Church…you at times forget God and go your own way, cutting your wrists once again.

Now one thing I have never understood about myself, and many Christians in America, is that as we take the knife to our own wrist and bleed from the cuts we stand up and tell other people how ugly their cut wrists look. It seems so strange to me that as we are bleeding we would look at the other person and say “What stupid, sinful, thing did you do??? You Fool!”

Think about it…. You are dying of a disease well you look to the bed next to you and see someone dying of the same disease and say “How could you possible do something so stupid as to get yourself in this place???” So come on guys! Be honest with yourself. We all do it! No matter how hard we try to air on the side of not judging someone else dying for the same thing we are unable of viewing them through God’s eyes. We just can’t do it on our own… Grace is NOT something that comes naturally to ANY human being… Grace is a God thing. Short of having God show you his Grace and show you how to show Grace we can NEVER learn how to show Grace.

Again be honest with yourself now. How many of you people know someone who is dead set on the fact that he is not Racist or Sexiest and yet never spends ANY time around people who don’t fit in to his/her view of normal, acceptable, people?

All this to say we live in a world of hurting, bleeding, people where God simply ask us to hold the bleeding wrists of the world. God doesn’t want people who have never bled he wants people who can look down at their wrists and see the scares that mark their former selves as he looks us in the eyes and says “Go hold their bleeding wrists as I would”. I truly believe that the greatest action Jesus did on earth was to show us what Grace truly is. To me it seems like Jesus’ whole life on earth was about showing Grace and bring Grace to the world.

So it only seems fitting to me that he had two nails driven deep in to his wrists. Its like at that moment Jesus took on all My pain, all the times I cut My wrists, and looked down for the cross with eyes that only conveyed Grace. Notice how some of Jesus’ last words were words of forgiveness (Luke 23:34). To the very end of Jesus’ life here on earth he showed the world grace.

Today in America we come up against some of the hardest questions the the Church as ever faced. Today we all most wonder what the best answer is to many of the questions that face us today…. and honestly I don’t know the answers, I really truly have no idea if the way I carry out my faith around non-Christians is the right way or not, and honestly I don’t know that it matters if I Know its the right I honestly think just the fact that I am searching for the way God whats me to live me life is enough. As I said before I think God just calls for us to hold the bleeding wrists of the world. Judgment as far as I can tell is for God not me. What God calls me to do is to learn to see the world as he sees it. And I believe that when God looks at you and me he sees not our scares but rather sees his son.

Let me end by stealing something from another, much better writer, named Philip Yancey, which I have quoted before here on this blog, (be warned this is a long quote, but please still read)

“Not long ago I heard from a pastor friend who was battling with his fifteen-year-old daughter. He knew she was using birth control, and several nights she had not bothered to come home at all. The parents had tried various forms of punishment, to no avail. The daughter lied to them, deceived them, and found a way to turn the table on them: “It’s your fault for being so strict!” My friend told me, “I remember standing before the plate-glass window in my living room, staring out into the darkness, waiting for her to come home. I felt such rage. I wanted to be like the father of the Prodigal Son, yet I was furious with my daughter for the way she would manipulate us and twist the knife to hurt us. And of course, she was hurting herself more than anyone. I understood then the passages in the prophets expressing God’s anger. The people knew how to wound him, and God cried out in pain. “And I Must tell you, when my daughter came home that night, or rather the next morning, I wanted nothing in the world so much as to take her in my arms, to love her, to tell her I wanted the best for her. I was a helpless, love sick father.” Now, when I think about God, I hold up that image of the lovesick father, which is miles away from the stern monarch I used to envision. I think of my friend standing in front of the plate-glass window gazing achingly into the darkness. I think of Jesus’ depiction of the Waiting Father, heartsick, abused, yet wanting above all else to forgive and begin anew, to announce with joy, “This my son was dead, and is alive again; he was lost, and is found”

Now if we, are a Christian community, could only take on the view point of this father when his daughter returned home… the view point of grace and love. Please ask God to teach you how to show grace. And I will do the same. Because with out us becoming a Church of grace Christianity is dead.

Where do you see ungrace in the lives of others? Do you see these same problems in your own life?