[This is the third post in what ended up becoming a series, even though I never planned no writing a series of any kind.... but here it is, hopefully the last post in the series of things that Bug Me About Relationships. Here is the first one And here is number two.... Enjoy!]
The way Churches deal with relationships annoys me
I mean really annoys me. To the point where, as a single guy, I at times considered walking away from the Church just because of this one issue. It makes me want so badly to walk away from the Church because I can't stand having to deal with this issue.
Now don't get me wrong
Not every Church is as bad at this as some. My Church today does a much better job of this than Churches I have gone to in the past but still this issue is present. Like a sickness that is often missed or simply ignored. It sits there just under our noses, begging to be understood and fixed but sitting there like nothing is happening.
The problem lies in the fact that we now view it as normal
Or maybe even worse we view it as right. We think that there is nothing abnormal about this view point of relationships. I mean why would we? The Church, our go to for relationship advice, has been selling this view point since we graduated from High School and got to the age when getting married was possible. So of course us Church goes have taken this view of relationships hook, line, AND sinker!
The view point is simple, and even if you're never thought of it this way its the truth
It simply says if you are single you have nothing to offer to married people because you just don't understand and they have moved past the point in their lives where you are able to be of any real value to them. You think I'm over stating don't you? Well think about it this way... When was the last time you saw a Church running a Single AND Married ministry??? When was the last time you saw a Church bring in a single person to talk to Married people about life??? It just doesn't happen! Once you get to your twenty's you are expected to either be Married or be in a Singles ministry that is nothing more than a meat market to get you to Finally find your true love.
This view point also says something about Married people
It says simply that 'You now have arrived!' You have gone from being a single person who is just on earth looking for someone to Marry to a fully complete human being. Don't believe me again??? How often do you see someone speak about the fact that the Bible talks about Singleness as a blessing (Yes! You read that right, a BLESSING!!!!). Rather whole sermon series spend time talking about how to have a 'Godly Marriage' never do we here people talk about that fact that a huge percent of the Bible was written by people who didn't get married, Think Paul and Jeremiah among others.
My point once again is we can do better
The Church as a whole can do a better job of harboring relationship between married people and single people because we all have something to offer to each others lives. The Church can stop building programs that keep singles and marrieds from each other and get out of its own way to allow true community to happen.
So here is what we can do
We, Married or Single, people can stop allowing are relationship status to define who we are and start looking to God to define who we are because the truth of the matter is God doesn't care if you are single, married, divorced, married with kids or single with kids, he simply wants all of you. He wants you to find your identity in him and him alone. God doesn't want to be your 'number one' he wants to be your everything. So if you are single stop believing that that defines you. You are "The one Jesus Loves" (Brennan Manning) and if that becomes your identity that your relationship status doesn't really matter all that much.
I wish I could tell Married people what to do
But, as a single guy, I have yet to wrap my head around what it means to find your identity only in God and yet have become one with another person. Maybe some day I will be able to tell you what I think you should do but for now I can only say that God doesn't ask for Part of us he calls for ALL of us.
I can say that for you married folks please, I'm saying it again, go find some single people and invite them over for Dinner. I promise you if you do they will love it because they will get to see what a healthy marriage looks like and I'm willing to bet you will get a lot out of them because us singles have a lot to offer to the world.
Finally
I hope we all can struggle to find a way to live our relationships out in a way that God honoring and encouraging to the people around us. My we find our identity only in Christ and never stop loving the people around us.
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